We are making a deliberate point of raising our daughter to be confident, self-sufficient and self-reliant. But it’s not enough to just teach girls to be empowered. We need to raise our boys to EXPECT it.
Passive Role Modeling
When my twin boys were 3, they watched Disney’s Snow White for the first time. To say it ranks almost at the top of my least favorite children’s movie is an understatement. I recoil at the message both subtle and spoken outright that a woman in a bad situation must dream that “some day her prince will come” to rescue her from a life of servitude and emotional abuse. I’m disheartened by the portrayal of female figures as either jealous, vindictive and evil or meek, subservient and victims.
Yes, Snow White was released in 1937. Yes, it’s based on a Brothers Grimm fairy tale written in 1812. Yes, I understand it reflects the ideas of many prior generations. But my 3 year old boys didn’t have this context and I didn’t want them passively internalizing these role moles and stereotypes as “normal”.
Teach Boys and Girls
And so I took a different approach, every time the movie played, I would talk with my boys. As they grew older, the content of those conversations grew more nuanced. Now, at the worldly age of 12, they are able to rationalize and point out some of the inappropriate stereotyping. And, I’ve taken to being much more “pointed” with my feedback. If it plays, I can be heard telling Snow White to, “Get a job, work on your credit rating, move out and get an apartment, buy a car, you don’t need a man to save you”. Yes, it’s strange and funny. No my kids don’t often watch Snow White these days.
I’m making a deliberate point of raising my daughter to take care of herself – to be self sufficient and self reliant; to be confident in herself. I’m teaching her to be empowered. But it’s not enough to just teach our girls. We need to raise our boys to EXPECT it.
Future Expectations
From that first day, I have told my sons in many different ways, in many different conversations and through multiple examples, that it is not their job to “rescue” any woman. (I’m not talking about helping a women out of a dangerous situation. They know that we help anyone that’s in trouble.) I’m raising them to expect their partner to be fully capable of caring for herself. That she will have a life that is not dependent on them to provide for her. We must raise our sons and teach our men that they should demand and expect partners.
I love that my husband can and will do everything I do to care for our home and our children. We don’t have “women” or “men” jobs in our home. We both cut grass, make repairs, vacuum, do laundry, cook, and put up dry wall. Our children see that the person doing a task is not determined by gender but by availability, desire and necessity.
PS: In the interest of full disclosure, I can kill spiders and stink bugs, but I prefer that my husband rescue me when it comes to insects and arachnids.